Gazebo gotta go !!!!.

It all start well, the sun was out the kids for once were playing together, nice I thought, the beers were cooling in the fridge and all was well with the world, as the nice weather is on its way, we decided to buy a gazebo, it wasn't an expensive one, but, it'll do the trick, now, my garden ain't the biggest and with the amount of toys strewn across it, it's very cluttered, nor, is it the flattest in fact, it's the steepest garden in the world, there is, however, a small area where the previous occupants had a little patio, well it wasn't as much, a patio, as it was an obstacle course, there were dips and pits, hills and hillocks, so, last year in a fit of stupidity, I hoisted them little slabs up and lay, in its place, grass, thinking about the kids and having somewhere for them to play, the problem is, the grass on the box, ain't what I have in the garden, the picture on the box is this lush green, immaculately trimmed piece of perfection, what I have, is a fooooking mess, there are clumps of grass here, there and everywhere, in some places there's bold patches, I have moss in others, in fairness, I think I was swindled, whoever sold me the seeds, had infact swindled me and swapped the grass seeds for some sesame seeds from the burger place down the road, so it's not my fault and the missus keeps feeding the fucking birds and I think they swooped down and ate a shed load of them. So again not my fault.

We, yes we, unpacked the box of gazeebo bits, look - yes it took 2 adults, to unpack, they had used so much selotape and the box was long and, ok, ok yes we are stupid, but it still took 2, we unpacked this mini miracle of modern day cheap crap, the destructions are, either in French, Klingon or someother crazy language, that no one understands and the pictures are so badly photocopied it was difficult to make out, and as I said, we are a bit dense, so out comes a million poles (not immigrants) all different lengths and some are tapered, others have holes in, some have little springy things and they all have numbers, well this is a good place to start, we arranged all the poles into numbers, well it was the girlfriends idea, me I would have struggled finding them individually, so now we had several piles of poles all numbered we also have some odd shaped plastic things in which the poles sit now we're off.

The sun is beaming down upon us and as the destructions are incomprehensible we, well, we tried to put them together numerically, you know pole one fits into pole two well, what a foooking stupid idea that was, we ended up with a long stick, next a triangle, an equilateral triangle to boot, so another go, this time a frigging cube, grrrrrrr, right then, lets have a final stab, now follow this if you can, pole one goes into pole 5, 5 into 8 then poles 2 and 6 go together, it all slots into the strange little plastic thingy, then pole one, goes into the bottom pole, which is labeled 9 then little stubby things go on these to form the feet, then the whole thing combinds with poles 7 and the rest of the poles all interconnect, I, did you notice as soon as it became a success we became I, I then lifted one end of the gazebo to slot the final pieces first one, second one, third one, first one again, as it fell out, third has fell, back in it goes, this merry little dance lasted for a hour, finally with a hammer, some tape and a lot of swearing, I managed, with some help from her in doors to complete the fooking thing, as we stood in the bright sunshine looking at my enormous erection, sorry had to put that in, I felt proud and slightly dizzy, the missus then asked what about the covering, now, a gazebo without the covering is as much use, as a wet match in a thunderstorm, so I unwrapped the canvas like material threw it over the frame which too be honest was another stupid thing to do the frame's over 2 meters high and bishop is only 5 foot 7 and well I have more chance of sprouting another one on my head than I have of this working I take off the four legs making the whole thing a little more accessible one side on the other side then the next the had to redo it as it was inside out start again one side the next side the first has come off fuck me it's hot the toys and the kids are getting in the way the sun is melting glass I'm struggling with this the missus is saying that ain't right which to be honest ain't helping anyway we manage to attach the roof and the poles without much fuss we even manage to position the thing, Bishop Basher king of the gazebo triumphs again....... Less than a hour later it pissed down.......

So, I'm sat in the front room, with sun stroke, looking out upon a gazebo which is getting wet, the covering will probably shrink now and when I unvelco the sides it'll no doubt (odd looking word ain't it) sling shoot itself over the roof and far away leaving just a frame and a rather tearful Bishop..........